Creative Flow

The battle between my id and my super ego continues, for I’m still contemplating the beauty of passivity while flicking off the tailgating Civic behind me. The Id is still a rash and emotional narcissist ready to lose control at any moment. The super ego still yearns for self-improvement, wanting to make friends with people who have nothing in common with me. Rush puts my mind in the correct direction to actively and passionately contemplate, and grow increasingly fond of, peace, respect, existential acceptance of a humanly flawed but ‘aesthetically’ valued human condition. The ego wants to admire contently the human condition while calmly meditating and regulating a calm and peaceful self. The id however does not want to sit on the sidelines and accept from afar the flawed human condition. It wants to embrace and accept the flaws as itself, and live at a seemingly truer but less perfect level. I am faced with quite the dilemma for my intellectual and most conscious selves, the parts that I most often associate with my super ego, are becoming in favor of the id’s ways for highly philosophical, but hopefully temporary reasons. Am I to just accept being an occasional ass for ideological and complicated reasons, when the effects of this ideology threaten the very simple, non-ideological, existential life that I’m trying to live in? Do I care? What part of me cares? Why does it care? There are too many questions to answer in any consistent way across the board. What it comes down to is an insanely constant dialectic between the id and the super ego. This dialectic has been immensely difficult to overcome in any philosophical way for me. Mediation between the two becomes chaotic, fallacious, and illogical quickly. This tells me that if I am to solve this problem I must look at it from a different level, or mindset. It is manageable to enter different mindsets when you know which ones you need to embody to solve the problem, but trying to embody random or currently unknown types of mindsets is quite tedious.
            An artistic idea that this reminds me of is the acid addict’s dilemma. The acid addict dilemma is when an individual has truly and wholly fallen in love with, philosophically or emotionally, the alternate reality he experiences while tripping on acid. As his love for his ‘alternate reality’ becomes greater, this reality becomes more valued, and subsequently more real. As this increases, the connection to the former reality, or the reality that I am writing to you in (probably), becomes weaker and less groomed. The familiar dialectic between nihilism and non-nihilism emerges. Concepts like value, existentialism, freewill, consciousness, determinism, and metaphysics become part of the premises that need to be examined to an absurd degree prior to any serious contemplation of the central issue. I curse and remind myself that of course this happens, for the philosopher should be able to take any argument, concept, or thing and bring it via the minds evolution to any other argument, concept, or thing. I would like to think that some order or set of rules make up the tools the mind uses to connect everything in such a beautiful way but then my nihilistic self reminds me to doubt patterns when the pattern is dependent of perspective (objectivity vs. subjectivity).
            Final thought of the day; I have managed to think myself in the direction and chose to stop on existentialism because it is so… practical. Given all the insane and complicated dialectics that diverge to infinity I am present in a place and a time and might as well take advantage of my existence. Traveling the universe, my consciousness has stopped here, in this time, this place, with these people, perceiving these dimensions so why not experience something new, the environment, instead of living in your head. This is the next step from nihilism. To continue is to allow yourself to exist(true beautiful nihilism), but to claim nothing has meaning, value, or purpose and thus secede from the environment you are choosing to stop living(fake and self-contradictory Hollywood nihilism). Existentialism is not the answer or solution to nihilism, or philosophy, it is merely a nice place to stop for a while. The goal is to escape the circular logic and create a concept that is truly magnificent and game changing. It has to be created, and it can be created, so we think, we live, and we wait.